(Weekly Organ of the Communist Party of India (Marxist)
August 04 , 2013
CONGRATULATE me. Celebrate my yesterday, as I am surviving today. Of course, I am not sure of tomorrow. So sing, 'congratulations and some celebrations...' Want to know the reason? I am no longer poor now. The government has declared me 'rich'. Till a few days back, I used to think that I need to get 'two more tyres' to get rich, but now I have learnt that all that is unnecessary as I am already rich. No, I did not get any lottery nor indulge in any scam to suddenly acquire wealth and become rich. I am still earning what I used to, but the government has decided that it is sufficient to call me rich. If you haven't heard, here it is. If you earn more than 1000 rupees per month in urban areas and 816 rupees in rural areas you are 'rich'. I am sure you too might be rich. Calculate your income and join me in celebrations.
Let us go to
the old city in
Let us get
some more adventurous. We will go to
We should not
go to the AICC canteen on
We are 'rich' and rich are calorie conscious. We should ensure that we do not get any 'life style diseases'. We should eat protein rich, fat free, less carbohydrate diet with our Rs 5, 15 or 20 to ensure that we maintain our physique and just burn calories and not gain any. After all, we are not supposed to gain calories, isn't it?
We are 'rich' because, we can eat our stomach's full with all the money we earn. We do not need education. The government provides it free, forget about the books and other expenditure on clothes etc for our children. They do not need all that. Anyway Amartya Sen, Pratham and other NGOs might cry about the costs of education, but don't bother. Sen has got only a 'Bharat Ratna' and 'Nobel' and he, it seems, is not even a citizen of our country, so let us not listen to him. Listen to our Singhs. 'Singh is King' here and won 'Neo-liberal' prize, more valuable than a 'Nobel'!
Our houses are some of the costliest, because they cost
thousands of crores. Isn't the government constructing so many
fly-overs and under-passes for us? We have lots of space there,
under the fly-overs, and our children and elders have regular
access to entertainment – the F 1 tracks, street fights, if we
are lucky, some bike stunts and of course, shootings. So do not
moan over the decision to scrap
Health? When we are so conscious of our calories and eat such a 'healthy' food, how can we fall ill? Moreover, we are not 'malnourished' and if at all, we are only 'anorexic' – suffering from an irrational fear of gaining weight. If at all we fall ill, it means the time has come and does not Bhagavad Gita tell us that all that takes birth has to die one day. In fact, Bible and Holy Quran too do not disagree. So do not worry.
The government has helped us realise our dreams. They made us 'rich'! So let us allow it to give concessions to the 'poor' Ambanis, Tatas, Birlas, Mittals, Vodafones and others. They deserve them. Otherwise, how would they survive? Our government is indeed so generous that it has learnt that American Insurance Group (AIG) was so devastated by the economic crisis that it wants to help it. Similarly, Wal-Mart is not able to have a square meals per day due to the crisis. So they are now invited to our country, so that they can survive. Let such decisions be put on a fast track. The 'poor' mentioned above might otherwise starve and there is every danger of the government being accused of starvation deaths, malnourishment, which are 'national shame'. They are, after all, the 'aam aadmi'. Hail the generous government!
You and me? Aren't we rich? So why do we need the government to help us. Even then, braving so many criticisms from people who are Five Point Someone, are from 2 States, it has announced the right to food. Forget the 'communist mafia', who would always criticise that the 'rich' are not given enough food to eat. Praise the government which has displayed enormous courage in spite of the swathing criticism to pass an ordinance for us, the 'rich'. It has even gone against its election manifesto of helping only the aam aadmi and started helping us, the 'rich'. Bravo!
So there are
hundreds of reasons for us to celebrate – (i)we are rich, (ii)
the 'generous' government helping the 'poor' Ambanis, (iii) the
'brave' government passing an ordinance on the right to food for
us rich and the list is endless. Let the party begin. Join the
celebrations at old