People's Democracy

Celebrate! After all, We are Rich!

CONGRATULATE me. Celebrate my yesterday, as I am surviving today. Of course, I am not sure of tomorrow. So sing, 'congratulations and some celebrations...' Want to know the reason? I am no longer poor now. The government has declared me 'rich'. Till a few days back, I used to think that I need to get 'two more tyres' to get rich, but now I have learnt that all that is unnecessary as I am already rich. No, I did not get any lottery nor indulge in any scam to suddenly acquire wealth and become rich. I am still earning what I used to, but the government has decided that it is sufficient to call me rich. If you haven't heard, here it is. If you earn more than 1000 rupees per month in urban areas and 816 rupees in rural areas you are 'rich'. I am sure you too might be rich. Calculate your income and join me in celebrations.

Let us go to the old city in Delhi. There we can have a blast of a party. We need only 5 rupees. Ignore Karim's or Jawahr and others. With the money we have in our pockets, it seems we can eat so much, till our belly is full and to our hearts content. If you are not sure, do not believe in what I say, or do not know the address, please contact Rasheed Masood, Congress party leader. He will guide you.

If old Delhi is your regular joint, then let us go to Mumbai. There we can have even great food for 12 rupees. It is called a sumptuous meal. No problem, Raj Babbar, Congress party spokesperson will take us to the place. No, no, it is nothing 'Bollywoodisque'. For him it is as real as you and me or his election victory.

Let us get some more adventurous. We will go to Assam. We can take our friends too there. It seems eight of us can eat with just 20 rupees. We have a guide there in Mr. Deka. He is not a small fish. He is a minister and thus is very knowledgeable. He knows the state inside out and is not apologetic like the others. He stands by his word and will certainly help us in celebrating our new social status. Sorry, economic status.

We should not go to the AICC canteen on Akbar Road, New Delhi, for our meal. There, they serve 'cheap' food. One plate of frugal vegetable meals is just 40 rupees. This does not meet our newly found economic and social status. We need a better place to eat. So strike it out, even if its frequented by the Gandhis, Singhs, etc. They too might be rich, I am not sure. But they are certainly not as rich as we are. Or else they might be misers. Otherwise, why would they eat in such a 'cheap' food joint. They could have as well joined us. Moreover, they can afford to eat in such cheap places as they are not calorie conscious.

We are 'rich' and rich are calorie conscious. We should ensure that we do not get any 'life style diseases'. We should eat protein rich, fat free, less carbohydrate diet with our Rs 5, 15 or 20 to ensure that we maintain our physique and just burn calories and not gain any. After all, we are not supposed to gain calories, isn't it?

We are 'rich' because, we can eat our stomach's full with all the money we earn. We do not need education. The government provides it free, forget about the books and other expenditure on clothes etc for our children. They do not need all that. Anyway Amartya Sen, Pratham and other NGOs might cry about the costs of education, but don't bother. Sen has got only a 'Bharat Ratna' and 'Nobel' and he, it seems, is not even a citizen of our country, so let us not listen to him. Listen to our Singhs. 'Singh is King' here and won 'Neo-liberal' prize, more valuable than a 'Nobel'!

Our houses? Our houses are some of the costliest, because they cost thousands of crores. Isn't the government constructing so many fly-overs and under-passes for us? We have lots of space there, under the fly-overs, and our children and elders have regular access to entertainment – the F 1 tracks, street fights, if we are lucky, some bike stunts and of course, shootings. So do not moan over the decision to scrap India from F 1 itinerary from next year.

Health? When we are so conscious of our calories and eat such a 'healthy' food, how can we fall ill? Moreover, we are not 'malnourished' and if at all, we are only 'anorexic' – suffering from an irrational fear of gaining weight. If at all we fall ill, it means the time has come and does not Bhagavad Gita tell us that all that takes birth has to die one day. In fact, Bible and Holy Quran too do not disagree. So do not worry.

The government has helped us realise our dreams. They made us 'rich'! So let us allow it to give concessions to the 'poor' Ambanis, Tatas, Birlas, Mittals, Vodafones and others. They deserve them. Otherwise, how would they survive? Our government is indeed so generous that it has learnt that American Insurance Group (AIG) was so devastated by the economic crisis that it wants to help it. Similarly, Wal-Mart is not able to have a square meals per day due to the crisis. So they are now invited to our country, so that they can survive. Let such decisions be put on a fast track. The 'poor' mentioned above might otherwise starve and there is every danger of the government being accused of starvation deaths, malnourishment, which are 'national shame'. They are, after all, the 'aam aadmi'. Hail the generous government!

You and me? Aren't we rich? So why do we need the government to help us. Even then, braving so many criticisms from people who are Five Point Someone, are from 2 States, it has announced the right to food. Forget the 'communist mafia', who would always criticise that the 'rich' are not given enough food to eat. Praise the government which has displayed enormous courage in spite of the swathing criticism to pass an ordinance for us, the 'rich'. It has even gone against its election manifesto of helping only the aam aadmi and started helping us, the 'rich'. Bravo!

So there are hundreds of reasons for us to celebrate – (i)we are rich, (ii) the 'generous' government helping the 'poor' Ambanis, (iii) the 'brave' government passing an ordinance on the right to food for us rich and the list is endless. Let the party begin. Join the celebrations at old Delhi, Mumbai or Assam. If you are attentive, there might be someone representing the government who can show you some place nearby so that you can save time and cut your carbon foot print! Hurry! The offer might not last long! So long!